Petraeus Resigns After Admitting Affair

A satirical look at current events!

Petraeus Resigns After Admitting Affair:  Gen. David H. Petraeus, the director of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), has resigned after issuing a statement saying that he had engaged in an extramarital affair.  Some wonder if this could happen to Gen. Petraeus, could Daniel Craig be next?  

Wind Turbine Blades May One Day Be Made of Vegetables: Researchers are searching for recyclable materials that could be used to manufacture wind turbine blades, including blades which are made out of vegetable sources.  Hopeful scientists say that if they’re successful, even vegetarians could use the electricity.

Jury Finds Hotel Shangri-LA Discriminated Against Jews: A jury determined that the female owner of the Hotel Shangri-La in Santa Monica discriminated against Jews during a charity event in July 2010 when the owner reportedly yelled "Get the [expletive] Jews out of my pool!" and forced the party to pack up and leave.  So I assume that pretty much rules out using the hot tub too?


Woman Runs Over Husband for Not Voting:  Police say an Arizona woman, in despair because it appeared President Obama was winning the election, ran down and critically injured her husband with the family car because he failed to vote in the election.  She told police that if the liberals won the election, we’d have some very dangerous people running the country.

Self-Healing Concrete in Real World Test:  Researchers in the Netherlands say they are ready to test a "self-healing" concrete that can patch up cracks by itself.  Construction companies expressed hope that the concrete is everything its cracked up to be.

Starbucks Fires Dwarf Barista:  The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is suing Starbucks for firing a dwarf who asked for a stool to perform her job as a barista at an El Paso shop.  Starbucks officials claim they gave her plenty of time to grow into the job.

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