Enriching Your Family Relationships this Summer

This Memorial Day we and our neighbors in Marina del Rey respectfully remembered those who fell in service to our country, those who have served and returned, and those who are currently in harm's way in our defense. Some of us visited the Los Angeles National Cemetery in Westwood with its thousands of tombstones stretching, row by row, each with a flag placed by a Boy Scout, acknowledging the individual importance of every person who served the country. Others from Marina del Rey went north to Santa Monica where the markers on the beach form what is known as Arlington West, a project of Veterans for Peace.

The weekend also marked the unofficial beginning of the summer season here in the Marina. Condo patio barbeques are back in service and families from all over Los Angeles are increasing their visits to the beach. Yet even with the shift to summer fun, we can still learn from the combat veterans we honored on Memorial Day. As we value their unique bravery and reflect on the ideals of service, courage and camaraderie, we can apply these principles to those closest to us.

If you've got a family-in-flux and are stressed by the responsibilities of caring for aging parents and growing children, you may feel like there's no time to step back and take a deep breath. When you do, here are some ideas to keep in mind to enrich your family relationships:

Recognize the importance of revealing the love you have for each other. Those who have been in harm's way know the meaning of the words, "it's too late." Don't put off sharing your love; decide to make it a priority. Each day, acknowledge those you love, and who love you, as if it were your last. The joy you create and receive in your close relationships can sustain you through hard times. You can find out more about the value of these positive connections on the Authentic Happiness website.

Express the gratitude you feel for what your own family has given you - protection, opportunities, love, strength, enjoyment of life. You have doors open to you now because of them. This can begin with something as simple as a heartfelt "thank you," and develop into a more textured and thoughtful recognition of what you are grateful for. Begin by taking the steps to express your gratitude - it benefits both you and the loved ones you single out to thank.

Understand the value of friendship. Those in the Service have trusted and leaned on each other as they've shared their experiences and relied on their camaraderie. Know that we all are here to take care of our friends and family - close and extended - difficult though it may be at times. Friendship is the gift we give ourselves and each other. Studies consistently show that a network of friends help each of us achieve a longer, healthier, and more satisfying life.

Community support is there for the taking when you know how to ask for it. There are organizations providing support to servicemen and -women and their families, such as the national initiative Joining Forces, Fisher House, the Wounded Warrior Project and TAPS. In the same way, be open to the reality that you too might need to utilize the input and generosity of others. You are not diminished when you allow another to help you. You will learn more about your capabilities when you are tested by hard times than when everything is going well for you.

Just as those in foxholes feel the honest emotions of fear, anger, pain, guilt, anxiety and loneliness, allow yourself to experience and acknowledge these emotions when they are a part of your life. Remember, your resiliency is increased each time you get up and put one foot in front of the other to deal with them. And bravery comes in many actions – providing for your family, facing an illness, starting a new career - not only on the battlefield. When you remember the fragility and transience of life as you move through it, you will savor each good moment you have. To live your life to the fullest is a lasting mark of respect you can pay to your family and to the veterans who have sacrificed the innocence of their youth.

© 2011, Her Mentor Center

Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. are family relationship experts who have developed a 4-step model for change. If you are coping with acting-out teenagers, aging parents, boomerang kids or difficult daughters-in-law, we have the solutions that make family rifts disappear. Visit our website, HerMentorCenter.com to subscribe to Stepping Stones, a free ezine and our blog, Family Relationships to receive practical tips and our free e-book, Courage and Lessons Learned.